Song Lyrics

I: Dundaxian Overture
In the fires of ancient cosmic destiny
Evil will rise
And of all the legendary warriors
None will survive
In the fires of ancient cosmic destiny
Evil will rise
To defeat the power of the sorcerer
Great sacrifice


II: The Battle of Cowdenbeath
Magnificent vessel appears in the sky
The Hootsforce arrives into Cowdenbeath
Prepare for the warfare of ultimate destiny

Into the battle the heroes make fight
Fast as Dundonian lightning they strike
The armies of evil will die on the field
They'll die by our steel

And the battlefield of Cowdenbeath fell silent, as the black gates of the fortress of Crail opened wide. Atop a horde of undead eagles, the grim armies of the Deathknights of Crail rode out to meet the forces of justice. And at the vanguard of this terrible host stood the Grandmaster himself...Dreadlord Proletius!

From the black gate evil Deathknights attack
Proletius is leading the chaos charge
Slaughtering peasants with deadly impunity

Ralathor fires his final defence
Missiles of nuclear justice
The Deathknights are suddenly vaporized
Proletius dies

For the King of Space
We will fight to end disgrace
In our once proud land
We will make our stand
When the dark lord comes
We will shoot our laser guns
For the glory of mighty Dundee

Mwah ha ha ha! Such a pathetic display of valor! You are naught but insignificant worms before the infinite power of Zargothrax! Now...the solar conjunction is at hand...my ascension to godhood is inevitable! And there is NOTHING you can do to stop me! Worship my omnipotence!

Even though Ser Proletius and his Deathknights of Crail had been defeated, the power of Zargothrax was still growing exponentially! It seemed now that even with the renewed power of the Hammer of Glory, the forces of justice would not be able to defeat him. Suddenly, when all seemed lost, a flash of holy light lit up the entire sky, and a being of unimaginable power descended from the heavens. It was the Hootsman! Angus realized he was the mysterious third entity he had encountered in the wormhole! The force of the detonation from his nuclear heart had not killed the Hootsman...it had merged his essence with the very fabric of reality in the terrorvortex, and he had transformed into a God! He had arrived into this reality long before the evil wizard...for thousands of years now he had looked down from the heavens upon the people of this dimension, and they had worshipped him. He had watched the arrival of Zargothrax and witnessed his bloody conquest across the land. He had seen as Angus McFife arrived through the portal and fought bravely in an attempt to save the kingdom. And now when all seemed lost...he himself would descend from the firmament and bring The Justice of Hoots to Earth.


III: Return of the Astral Demigod of Unst
From the Heavens
Comes a hero
Mighty Hootsman
Vanitati
Latinae
Canentis
Hootus Dei

With a flash of thunder
A god falls from the sky
With holy armor made from wolf
The Hootsman has arrived

Side by side with Angus
The warriors make fight
Hootsman fires a laser blast
Shoots goblins out of sight

In the fires of ancient cosmic destiny
Evil will rise
And of all the legendary warriors
None will survive
In the fires of ancient cosmic destiny
Evil will rise
To defeat the power of the sorcerer
The Hootsman has arrived

Alright Zargothrax! Your evil reign of terror ends today! My name is the Hootsman, and I am the one and only true god of this universe! It's time for you to taste the power of HOOTS!

With the force of the hammer
And the power of Hoots
The forces of justice attack
Bringing destruction to Zargothrax
The wizard defeated
Dissolves into dust
The Kingdom of Fife has been saved
The legendary Angus McFife has triumphed this day


IV: The Knife of Evil
And lo, Zargothrax was finally defeated. But in the epic final struggle with the dark sorcerer, the valiant hero Angus McFife realised he had been impaled by the Knife of Evil. As he watched the lifeless corpse of Zargothrax dissolve into liquid dust, Angus knew that soon he himself would be corrupted by the dark power of that cursed blade. And so he resolved that he must make the final sacrifice for the Glory of Dundee...he would end his own life by descending into the raging volcanic fires of Schiehallion!

Goodbye
My time has come to die
This is the end
I must say farewell
Descend in to hell

In the fires of ancient cosmic destiny
Evil will rise
And of all the legendary warriors
None will survive
In the fires of ancient cosmic destiny
Evil will rise
To defeat the power of the sorcerer
The Prince of Fife must Die
To save the galaxy
It is your mighty destiny
Brave Angus McFife


V: Transmission
THE FOLLOWING TRANSMISSION IS ENCRYPTED

Benjamin Lasey Turk, Christopher Bowes, Lasse Lammert, Matthew Bell, Michael Barber, Paul Robert Templing

The duration of The Fires of Ancient Cosmic Destiny is 12:33 minutes and seconds.