Song Lyrics

Okay
Listen up, I'm not gonna lie
Right now, you couldn't frighten a fly
Or scare a seagull off of a fry
You ever stop to ask yourselves "why?"

Both of you are super polite
Middle class, suburban, and white
Well, all of that is finished tonight
Except for the white part
Obviously

Take your places
I want scary faces
Now go
Bigger
Further
Harder
Not bad

Sever a head
Preferably someone you know

Look at me, I'm so scary

Don't be so vanilla
Would a little anger kill ya?
Come on, drop your panties
I'm trying to fill you
With wisdom and skill
And the instinct to kill

Again, we do not want to kill anyone

Fine
But somehow, someway
You gotta make 'em see ya'
I'm talkin' jumpscares
The jerky Japanese ghost-walk
Plus
Learn to throw your voice
Fool your friends
Fun at parties
Now that is cool
I wanna do that

Whatever it takes to make 'em go crazy
Raising the stakes by punching a baby
Scare 'em awake 'til they break
They'll be quaking in fright

'Cause you've got some evil deep down inside you
Put all the farmer's markets behind you
You gotta work
Gotta haunt 'til it hurts
Through the night
And give those guys the fright of their lives
Yeah yeah

Let's start with things that you hate

Well, hate's a very strong word

Perhaps when people are late

Or getting pooped on by birds

No, what fills you with rage?

Being mean to a pet

Chefs who use too much sage when they make beurre noisette

Over-glutinous food

Or when kids call me "dude"

Oh, I find that so rude

Well, there's lots there to use
Take a deep breath
And give me your best primal scream

Aaah!

Barbara, that was brilliant

Really?

Try it again
Maybe this time pretend like you mean it

Aah

That was even better

Thanks

I want freedom
But to get my freedom I need 'em
To get a living person to say my name

Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse?

I know that beggars can't be choosers
But do they have to be such losers?
Both of them are deathly dull and lame

Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse

Why God, slash Satan, did you send these bed wetters?
Even, like, a tax attorney would've been better
Somebody with gravitas
Somebody to fear who

Excuse me, Mr. Betelgeuse
We can kind of hear you

Yeah?
Well that was a soliloquy, so you're the one who's being rude

Whatever it takes to make 'em go crazy

Turn all the lights on

Dress like a baby

Adam, I don't even, no

Get your heads in the game

Let's hide their phones

Screw their phones
Ugh, these dopes are both hopeless
How will I ever survive?
Unless they get the fright of their lives
(Yes yes, we're feelin' it, they're gonna feel it, we're killin' it)
They gotta get the fright of their lives
(We're scary, very very scary)
They'll never get the fright of their lives
(Yeah)
Ugh

Eddie Thomas Perfect

The duration of Fright of Their Lives is 3:44 minutes and seconds.