The Congress of Wonders - Star Trip Lyrics
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Star Trip
Star Trip Lyrics |
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What Are The Lyrics For Star Trip By The Congress of Wonders?
KWIRK
Captain?s log; Stardate: 3.142857--Aw, forget about it! This is Captain Kwirk on the Starship Intercourse. Thrusting its way through space, on another penetrating mission. (?Alleluia? song is playing.) HUNKIE Captain! Captain! What?s that in space ahead? KWIRK Huh? Oh no, it?s another space tricky! Darn this solar system anyway! Nothing but space trickys. Get the phasers on that bird. HUNKIE Captain! Captain! All the stars have gone out! KWIRK No, you fool! You?ve leaned on the button! Turn the viewer back on! Now get the phasers on that bird. LOUD VOICE I am an Angel of the Lord! KWIRK (the effects slow down like a record) Yeow! That baked him good! HUNKIE Oh wow, it looks just like Thanksgiving out there! KWIRK Don?t think about it, Lt. Hunkie! HUNKIE I can?t help thinking about it. Last Thanksgiving was rotten. Just that food supplement pill with ?turkey? written on it. It?s not the same, Captain. It?s not the same. KWIRK Turn off the view screen, we?re out here and this is where we are. HUNKIE Why can?t I think about it? I?m an officer, too. KWIRK You?ve got enough to think about, you?ve got a whole dashboard to take care of. SMOCK Captain, have your (?) space turkey has knocked up slightly off course. KWIRK Well, Lemon... SMOCK It?s Leh-meen, sir. KWIRK Now we must get back on course. SMOCK It?s Leh-meen, sir, did you hear me say that? KWIRK Nah--uh--why-yes--uh--uh, Lie-nen, uh, but we must get back on course. SMOCK Yes sir, we must get back on course, do you want to check the reading? KWIRK Aw yes, let me see, the ?quick brown fox.? SMOCK That is the wrong reading, I?ll check this. KWIRK Oh, oh, I see, yah, yes, n-now my communicator. Get me engineering. EUBANGDERE That?s my box, Captain! KWIRK Oh, oh, pardon me, Lt. Eubangdere! Allow me to apologize pro flu slay. EUBANGDERE Just take your hand off my box. SMOCK Captain? KWIRK Yes, Smock? SMOCK May I remind you that since we are traveling at a rate of Walk Factor III, that our collision with that turkey, thirty-eight seconds ago, that has put us 13 billion miles off course. KWIRK Well, good heavens, Smock, why wasn?t I told him this earlier? This is the Captain speaking, connect me with engineering. EUBANGDERE I?m sorry, but that line is busy. KWIRK This is the Captain. Give me engineering. EUBANGDERE I?m sorry, sir, but that line is busy. KWIRK But I have a direct line, I?m the Captain. Operator! Operator! Operator! Did you hear that, Smock? Are my people putting me on? SMOCK I don?t know, sir. As you know I am the Vulgarian and jokes are beyond me. (chuckle) KWIRK Hmmmm...That?s the first time I?ve ever heard him laugh. Hmph! Oh, wait a minute, we must contact engineering. My God, 15 billion miles off course SMOCK 23 billion miles off course now, sir, if my calculations are correct. And they always are. KWIRK This is the Captain speaking. Give me engineering. (The party music is playing. People are chattering.) PARTY GUY Come here, try some of this! PARTY GIRL Would you blow up my balloons? Flash! (Captain Kwirk clears his throat.) PARTY GUY Shhh! Cut it! Everybody be quiet! KWIRK This is the Captain speaking. PARTY GUY (on ?Captain?) Shut up! HUNKIE Who is it? KWIRK It?s the Captain! We?re 23 billion miles off course! SMOCK 29 billion. KWIRK 29 billion----Operator! Operator! EUBANGDERE I?m sorry, sir, but that line is busy, heh! KWIRK Smock, we don?t realize what a mess we?re in 29 billion miles off course. LIMEY (stupid voice) Captain, this is engineering, Lt. Limey speaking. Do you realize we?re 34 billion miles off course? KWIRK Limey, I just called you! What?s going on down there? SMOCK Captain, according to my calculations, we?re 38 billion miles off course. KWIRK Thank you, Smock!!! SMOCK Why are you pinching your eyes together, Captain? It doesn?t help the situation or does it have any physiological effect? Highly illogical behavior. Tsk, tsk, tsk! You?ve heard me. (Kwirk sighs in grief.) LIMEY Captain, where did you go? We?re 45 billion miles off course. KWIRK I?m still here, Limey. Lt. Eubangdere, have the computer compu--course correction coordinates, engineering, curse creation--coor--crea--curs--uuh--engineering standby. LIMEY It?s about time, Captain, by now we must be 52 billion miles off course. They?re traveling faster than lightning. KWIRK Lt. Eubangdere, where are the course readings, eh? Where? Lt. Eubangdere--uh...Where in the hell did she go? HUNKIE She went to church, sir! KWIRK Church!? She can?t be, it?s Tuesday afternoon! HUNKIE It?s her sect, do you know? KWIRK I am aware of her sex, lieutenant! HUNKIE No, no, her sect, her sect, she?s among with a poodle-lay(???) you know Kimiwaukee-too-long(???) KWIRK Ugh! When will it ever end? HUNKIE Captain! Captain! All the stars have gone out! KWIRK Lt. Hunkie, if you lean on that button once more, I will have you ejected into hyperspace through the garbage chute!!! Take over the controls, Smock! I?ll find Lt. Eubangdere myself! SMOCK Aye aye, sir! KWIRK Aw, let?s see, where did she go now? SMOCK She?s in the ship?s saps! KWIRK The ship?s what?! SMOCK The chapel, the meditation area. Although I personally find religion highly illogical. KWIRK (sigh) Uhh, I?ll have to take the elevator down. Aw these problems! You see I?m never on this level. Uh, maybe it?s in here. EUBANGDERE Oh my way, oh my way, oh my way... KWIRK You can?t do that in there, this is the broom closet! SMOCK We?re engaged! KWIRK Well, disengaging report back to your stations. Humph! Oh, I must be down the corner to the left. Oh, I?ve got to stop talking to myself. SINGERS Ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah-teeng-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang! Alive men!(?) KWIRK Uh, but...but where?s Lt. Eubangdere? Chaplan! Chaplan! CHAPLAN There?s a Room 70...??? KWIRK Aaaahh! Oh! That mask, you scared me! I thought this was the act--uh--uh--the chapel! CHAPLAN I?m sorry, I didn?t mean to startle you! Since there?s only one chapel on the Starship Intercourse. I become very indebt as a number of different religious service. KWIRK Oh. CHAPLAN I?m afraid I get quite in mast in my role. Oops, there, I?ve spattered blood all over your tights. KWIRK Yech! CHAPLAN Don?t worry, it?s only pig blood it comes off with a little lemon and salt. You know it?s really wonderful to be a Chaplan in outer space. KWIRK Huh? CHAPLAN Space is so wonderful! So vast! So infant! So religious! I was just thinking the other day when I was doing the terrible complicated Flip-Ziggy(??) services for the worshipers from Zakaan?s... KWIRK Zakaan?s... CHAPLAN Oh! Which reminds me, Captain, that is a mind of extremely important so of which I must speak to you. KWIRK Huh? CHAPLAN It is the matter of the psychic moral of the ship... KWIRK Who? CHAPLAN Many of the mystic men. How do Americans say it? The little people? KWIRK Huh? CHAPLAN Or undergoing a great deal of strange...implants(???) are ruining about the ship. Some of the men are saying that the dietician is putting the salt Peter in the food supplement tablets. KWIRK Mmmm... CHAPLAN Then, there is the problem of beaming down. KWIRK Huh? CHAPLAN The mystic men feel that it does not fear that only officers get to leave the ship. KWIRK Huh? CHAPLAN There as they put it, going stir crazy acquainted, don?t you agree? KWIRK Uh-uh. CHAPLAN I even just alone to go dirty religious service, I overheard a room out to the effect. The ship is over 125 billion miles off course. KWIRK It is? CHAPLAN It is. Isn?t that wonderful? Space is so vast! There are so many possibilities. KWIRK Chaplan, this is an emergency! I-I-I must speak with Lt. Eubangdere! CHAPLAN Oh dear, she seems to have left. KWIRK Oh! (g-are-are-are-are!) CHAPLAN Well I?ll bet she?s back in the control room right now. You know, if you keep calm instead of turning purple like that, only your problems would solve themselves. SMOCK Captain? KWIRK What is it, Smock? SMOCK We?ve located Lt. Eubangdere, he?s locked in the woman?s room on Level 4. KWIRK Oh no! SMOCK We?ve sent a janitor over there with a skeleton key, we should have her out in any moment. KWIRK But this is an emergency! Can?t you do anything faster? Can?t you blast her out? SMOCK But the woman?s room on Level 4 is only three by three. We wouldn?t want to reduce her to atoms, that would be illogical. KWIRK Listen, Smock! We must at--quickly the ship is already 125 billion miles off course! SMOCK 140 billion miles off course! KWIRK Well--W--We must do something quickly, anyway! Say, can?t you operate the computers yourself? SMOCK Of course, I can operate the computers, I am the Vulgarian! KWIRK Well why didn?t you? SMOCK You didn?t ask me, after all, I?m only the Squire, rule of the night, you didn?t order me, Captain! KWIRK Listen, Pixie-ears! Get on that computer!!!!! EUBANGDERE The price is ten more cents or another five, or three minutes! Whoopee! KWIRK I?ve really got to have that operator replaced! Excuse me, Chaplan, I must return to the bridge! CHAPLAN Y?all we watch over you! Now how am I to be with you? I?m a ga--uh--guide your error. May this shnook be with in you.(?) Let Christ be above you. And they unbleed(??) of the seven rooms light your way. KWIRK Uh, if only I can get up to the main control room in time. (Controls had gone bad.) KWIRK Now, Smock, how?s the computer doing? SMOCK I?m programming it now, something seems to be wrong, listen to this...Maybe if I do this... (Telephone line going fast.) HUNKIE Captain! Captain! All the lights have gone out! KWIRK Take your hands away from your eyes, Lt. Hunkie. All right, damage control, give me an estimate on the damage. SMOCK Well, Captain, it?s easily $27,000,000 worth of damage. HUNKIE Uh...$27,000,000 worth of damage?! Grrrr! SMOCK Well, actually, it?s only one tube that costs fifteen cents, but the service charge is enormous since the result of many light years away from the service area. That is provided and they can find us anyway seeing us we?re 200 billion miles off course. EUBANGDERE What?s going on here? KWIRK Lt. Eubangdere! If you leave the control room again without telling me! I?ll--I?ll-- EUBANGDERE Urgent! (crying) Oh--oh--ah--oh, that?s the way you feel about it! I quit! KWIRK Oh! Oh no! Oh! I--I don?t--I don?t feel that way! No--here, have a seat, make yourself comfy, oh, you look nice this afternoon--evening--morning--whatever it is, it?s so hard to tell on ship boarding. When did I say ?blast? anyhow? EUBANGDERE Why are you pinching your eyes together like that, Captain Homie? KWIRK Can you fix the computer? Please!?!? EUBANGDERE Well, of course, I?ll just stick these little old bobby pin in here! (The fast telephone line stops.) KWIRK Oh, thank God! Oh! Standby for change of course! RANDOM SHOUTING Engineering! KWIRK Oh no! LIMEY Lawyers in here(????) It?s the cops! EUBANGDERE Put your clothes on, Limey! LIMEY It?s the light and the viewers not turned on. KWIRK Standby for new co-ordinance! LIMEY What?s he talking about? EUBANGDERE I?m so high! KWIRK Limey? You?re demoted! LIMEY Oh ho ho, well then you?ll have to get someone else, won?t you? (chuckle) KWIRK Oh, oh, oh, no, no! You?re not demoted! Uh--uh--You?re--You?re advanced! Just get us back on course! MOBSTER number one (banging on the elevator door) Hey! Let?s track ?em down! KWIRK Hey, what?s that sound on the elevator? (The crowd breaks out yelling!) KWIRK What are you people doing here? You aren?t allowed on the bridge! You aren?t even off the surface! MOBSTER number two Just stick it up your asteroid, Captain Kwirk! MOBSTER number three Hit me! Hit me! MOBSTER number four They overlook my claustrophobia! Keep going! MOBSTER number one Freedom, now! EUBANGDERE I?m lonely, I?m this so small! I?m so skimpy! KWIRK I?m tired of trying to scan this in free-for-alls! (Whoosh! Boom! Another fast telephone line.) MOBSTERS Me too! MOBSTER number two Up your asteroid! SMOCK In your nimbulin!(???) Take him down to the beam room! Let?s get ?em off the ship! KWIRK Lieutenant! It?s me, sir, Matzo(???), Hunkie, get these people out of here! MOBSTERS Take over! Take over! Take over! Take over! KWIRK Smock! Smock! Hah! He?s unconscious! SMOCK Take him to the beam room! KWIRK Hold your hands! (Fast telephone line stops.) SMOCK Now, Captain, we?re going to beam you down to one of the large asteroids in the feminine cluster. Well of course in form of space trawl of your co-ordinance, but since we are quarters of trillion miles off course. Guard knows when he?ll find you. KWIRK You can?t do this! (WHIIIIIZZZZZZZZ!!!! Chipmunks soundalike!) MAGGIE McAPRON Stardate: 3.14285--Aw, the heck with it! This is laundry assistant third class, Maggie McApron, we?ve taken over, the ship is ours! We?re setting out for the planet Euphoria! We?re going to get off this blasted thing and have some fun! (The crowd cheers.) MAGGIE McAPRON Whoopee! Euphoria! Fingers on my thimbles, make the noise! (The crowd cheers.) MAGGIE McAPRON Ooh-we-de-two-de to deal with all the boys. Ah ha ha ha! SMOCK Ah ha ha ha! |
Who Wrote Star Trip By The Congress of Wonders?
Borchardt, Chastain, Menck
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What's The Duration Of The Star Trip By The Congress of Wonders?The duration of Star Trip is 11:48 minutes and seconds. |
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